I confess to having felt slightly self-loathing when I read the numerous websites giving space to Brooke Shields previous proclamations of virginity, and then her complaining that she lost her virginity too late.

It begs the question, if Brooke was using her virginity for cultivating a cult-following to her virginal persona, what am I writing about my own ‘saved’ virginity for? Do I have pure intentions when I write about my virginity? Am I, Phil, just trying to blog about how virtuous and virginal I am? You know, is this just one big ego-trip for me? Am I trying to establish myself as some figure to be adored, like Snow White or the Blessed Virgin Mary? A big ego-boost to the tune of my typing fingers, that goes ‘everyone else is so sexual-and-sullied, and most people have lost their virginity, aren’t you special Phil because you still got your virginity’? Am I not so clean and holy? Bow down all you lowly promiscuous urchins, and despair!

That’s not why I write this blog.

I write this blog because us writers are always cautioned to write about what we know. And well, I do know why I still got my virginity. I know why my friends ain’t got theirs. And I have read more about sexual matters, contraception, abortion and, the tormented lives of women than I have about anything else. I happen to be a woman so that helps in writing about sex (or the lack of sex till marriage) making a crucial difference to the life of a woman. It’s not like I have always been so pure and virginal. I have made mistakes with men. I’ve made mistakes with immodest clothes. I’ve attracted the wrong type and I’ve paid the price. Most people who know me do not expect me to be a virgin. It’s grace from God that has kept me a virgin.

Some would argue that I thrump the virginity card, because I have no choice but to remain a virgin. Like, I’m a plain Jane. Granted, if you male readers saw the teenage acne that still speckles my cheeks, ten years after their first appearance, you’d probably have me last on your list as girls to ask out. People may accuse me of having a ‘I’m-so-unattractive-that-I can-never-lose-my-virginity-so-nobody-else-should-lose theirs’ mindset. A sort of begrudging others their sexual fun just cos I can’t get no sexual action. If that were the case, why don’t I just berate my own parents for having engaged in the activity that brought me and my brother into the world?

If I had slept with men, and tried all the different ‘fruity’ contraceptives, I would blog about my sexual experiences and how it negatively/positively affected my life. That is if I weren’t a single mother, and didn't have time to blog. I would have to care for a baby conceived during a one night stand, and a toddler possibly conceived during my only serious relationship. A relationship where I did come under a lot of sexual pressure.

My number one reason for writing this blog is that I wish to share with others the value of keeping their virginity till marriage. The Juliet factor. It’s time to dedicate this web-log to all the women (the would be Juliets!) who search for something better in their lives, who want to take control of the most sensitive part of their physical and mental identity. For the women who want ‘to have it all’ – to find the loving, faithful marriage partner, and have the decent sex life.
I write this blog in the spirit of ‘there-has-to-be-a-better-way-for-women’; rather than the ‘must-have-sex-and-heartache-all-the-way-to-the-altar’ lifestyle. I write because ‘we’ all know that the ‘women have never had it so good’ is not true for a lot of us. It's not true for those of us who have felt sexually used, who can’t find ‘good/pure’ men, who rack our brains for ways to ‘stop’ a man taking advantage and who feel life is so full of sex completely sans romance. I write this for us women who find it so excruciatingly hard to admit to ourselves that yes, some men are only interested in our bodies. And if we don’t ‘give in’ then they will ‘drop’ us. For all the girls who want to be asked out by the ‘nice’ men, but who feel that they must make themselves as ‘hot’ as possible before any guy will ask them out. For all the girls who are looking for a ‘decent’ man who accepts them, physical imperfections and all.

For the girls who ask men out, even ‘dodgy’ men. I write this for all the girls who ‘settle’ for the ‘wrong’ man. I know – I’ve been there – I stayed with someone who ‘wasn’t worth it’ because I honestly thought that I couldn’t get someone ‘better’. Better didn’t exist because I didn't see better men, other than in books and movies. But if art imitates life, let life imitate art. Let our lives imitate Romeo and Juliet.

And for the men...

I write this for the men who actually want to take the challenge, and stay chaste. I write this for the men who feel pressure to ‘perform’. For all the men who are put under pressure by women to be sexually exciting. I write this for all the men who are called gay because they don’t want to sleep around. For all the men who feel twinges of embarrassment because they are virgins, because popular culture lambasts men who are still virgins as being objects of fun and ridicule. For the men who don’t want to put girls in difficult situations. I write this blog in the hope that the ‘normal’, ‘nice’ men can get together with the ‘lovely’ girls. Readers – get mating – but get married first!

This post is also dedicated to Dawn Eden, a contemporary prophet of the chastity movement whose memoir The Trill of the Chaste inspired me greatly, and gave me the courage to write about living the chaste life.

PS - Soon, there will be a section on this blog titled ‘The Rough Side of the Smoothie’, which aims to detail my experience with the ‘smooth’ men of this world. Replies from other women and men about their smooth-to-rough/rough-to-smooth love affairs are most welcome.